Thursday, September 25, 2014

We Don't Shit There (An Illustrated Potty Training Poem)

Click here to buy the We Don't Shit There: An Illustrated Potty Training Poem book!

potty training problems

We do not shit in our socks,
That would make for squishy walks.
We do not shit in the toy box,
We may forever stain our blocks.

We do not shit in dad's hat,
When he puts it on, it would go splat.
We do not shit on the cat,
He'd smell worse than a dirty ole rat.

We do not shit on the floor,
Your mother may run out the door.
We do not shit in a drawer,
Your grandmother may die of horror.

We do not shit behind the couch,
Dad would become quite the grouch.
We do not shit on our sister's fruit pouch,
A swat on the bottom would result in an, "Ouch!"

We do not shit in our bed,
That's where we rest our pretty head.
We do not shit in the shed,
That's where we keep our winter sled.

We do not shit in the plants,
That would probably bring in ants.
We do not shit in our pants,
That would make for an interesting dance.

We do not shit in the fridge,
That would ruin everything -- just a smidge.
We do not shit on a bridge,
Leaving a surprise for people walking the ridge.

We do not shit in the sink,
That could put daddy in the clink.
We do not shit in our drink,
That would make our apple juice stink.

We do, however, shit in this bowl,
Just drop your turd straight through the hole.
If you do it right, you'll feel great,
And I won't have to clean up another mistake.


  1. hahahaha funny cuz it's TRUE.
    I'd like to add:
    We do not take our diapers off during nap,
    and then proceed to take a crap.
    We do not roll around in it,
    We DO NOT PLAY with our fresh shit!
    We don't get our feces in our hair,
    We do NOT smear it everywhere.

    I am sorry to say that actually HAPPENED in ComfyTown Thursday of last week. It wasn't funny, not at all. I almost had to cleanse us all with fire.

    I will read this poem to all of the children here. EVERY DAMN DAY!
    I would like it hand-stitched on a giant pillow.

    1. Oh God that's awesome, lol. Makes for a great story :-) wish I'd thought of those lines, lol. I drew the other half of the pages last night and put two lines per picture. Will submit it to publishing houses, who will likely want nothing to do with me, lol. If they do, they'll likely want someone else to re-draw pictures :-)

  2. This is so awesome!!!! I read it to my 3.5 year old and now he's saying "no potty talk outside the bathroom Mommy! ��

    1. Thank you, Jeanine! Our kids are 2 and 4, so we're in the throws of all of this. Do you have a blog?